Yesterday night I saw a movie named "The Perfect Portrait" [guess that's the original english title] Jennifer Aniston and... errr... a pretty prince guy who I can't remember his name... Anyway *clears throath* His name in the movie was Nick, it reminded me it was my favourite male name. The name I always wanted for a son in a *far* future. Hah... Then again I found myself watching a selfish girl in that movie, throwing away a guy who was really interested on her, yeah... that guy that is standing in front of you that you can't see because you don't want to. Selfishness, guess I can't blame anyone by feeling that way, anyone will do whatever he/she needs to do in order to achieve some goal, nothing to be surprised of if you have broken already the thin solid wall between reality and fantasy. The other day I was told by my friend to start thinking much more about myself and stop worrying about the others 'cause them all can go to hell. I already knew about it, someday I realized I was [as everyone] all the time thinking on myself in a selfish way, considering myself superior to others without knowing what I was doing, cheating myself. But... as the girl in the movie, you just know you can't walk on the others to achieve what you want only to maintain a perfect portrait in other people minds. Once you will open your eyes and see who you really are and who you really were. How can you be perfect in another minds if you know you are nothing to yourself? Being selfish, thinking the best of oneself, how can anyone be a real person?

People here in the laboratory think the best of me, they think I am a bright responsible girl, they don't know anything on me, but already built a image of me in their minds. They are amazed at me for knowing how to program html and css, and doing whatever I want from notepad, knowing basic grammar structure and vocabulary on german and french, knowing english, they ask me why I don't study Systems Engineering or something like that. I can only smile a bit and try to change the conversation, 'cause you know... writing codes on html and css is not the big deal, actually is a very easy language so anyone can and is doing it. Studying another languages aren't a big deal if you already studied one in detail as english. Your mind will be opened to understand another languages more easily. Basic skills doesn't mean I can go to any country I want, besides what they all think. So... Don't judge me, I know who I am. That's one of my favourite quotes. Do you really know who you are? Deppending on how old are you, sure you might know it already. Me? I still don't know who I am. People love to confuss me, besides my mind is still trying to figure out if the path I just chose was the right one. I am happy trying to figure it out though ^^

I had to change the layout of this site two weeks ago, that was before I recieved a call to join a secret unit. Now I have less time than before, doing so many things, studying, working, studying again, working again, and going away of my favourite hobbies, I want to do many things, but what I don't want to is to stop thinking there's a world outhere, I want to live and enjoy everything around me, everymoment as I never did, there are so many things I don't know about, which I want to see and more important live... Nick Carter is performing I Got You again while I am back dreaming again. No matter how hard it seems, no matter it's so simple. I just want a true smile. I wish you a true smile.

¤ It was 10:11 AM... and these were just... words into the silence...